Anxious and Waiting

It could be any day now.

At any moment things could completely change and life as we currently know it will soon be a long forgotten past reality. 

My wife Abby and I are expecting the second edition to our family almost any day now. Her due date is August 9th, but when it comes to babies, when you get into a certain window, it's pretty much they come when they want to. Which is why we are anxiously waiting. 

Anxious gets a pretty bad wrap at times. 

The definition of the word has a very negative connotation because we do not know the outcome and are therefore worried about the event itself. 

I remember how nervous I was while we were within the "any day" time waiting on Ivy. Even though it wasn't a surprise (we knew she was coming for about 9 months) there is nothing that can really prepare you for becoming a father. Sure you can hang around other people's kids and or read a bunch of parenting books (which I did, but no where near as many books as I did getting ready to be a husband) but being is more than just doing. 

Being a father or a mother is not just a checklist you can follow and your kiddos will turn out fine. For some, being a father or mother means having kids that aren't present in this world anymore. I know personally several families that live in this reality. They are still a mother and a father. They still gave their children the best they had even though their time on this earth was short. 

I don't take life for granted. I count it a blessing everyday that we still have Ivy to hold especially after her open heart surgery at 16 days old. Life is precious. I count it an honor and a privilege to be a father and I can't wait to have another child brought into this world, if the Lord wills. 

Until that time though, we wait.

Hopefully soon I'll have pictures to show and stories to tell, but till then though I maybe slightly anxious in my waiting there is one thing that still will not change. 

God is sovereign and He is good. 

He knows my child by name and He will always do what's best even when I don't understand. That is the reality that I want to live in. It's the reality that I want my kids to grow up understanding. Though we may not know the outcome, we can know Who is always in control. 

- matt